How to keep your children emotionally supported through Divorce?
Many parents have asked me to touch upon the challenge that divorce brings, and how to handle it best from a spiritual point of view. Being a child of divorced parents myself, I can relate to the difficulties involved, and the pain it can bring to both parents and children. But like any challenge in life, if we tackle it with awareness and love, we can learn and grow from it—and minimize the damage.
(This subject is complexed and deserves a book of its own, I am only exploring the tip of the iceberg in this blog.)
Here are a few guidelines we can follow to make divorce easier on our children.
- Act from a place of respect. There might be lots of hurt between you and your ex-partner, but maintaining basic respect in your communication and interactions as you sharing the responsibility of parenting your children will ease your children’s pain, and will honor your essence. Let go of being right and make things work as smoothly as possible.
- Feel the pain of your children. The pain of children living through a divorce is huge. Even with all that you have on your plate, finding the time and energy to listen and notice what’s going on with your children will make a big difference. Make it very clear that they’re not responsible for what their parents are going through. Give them more love when they misbehave and have more patience with their process of adjusting to their new reality.
- Create a safe environment for your children to express their emotions. Some children will try to suppress their feelings, or keep them hidden inside and stay silent. But emotions need to be processed and moving through us. Create a safe place for your children to express what they feel. Don’t undermine or dismiss their emotions, let them break down and cry. Crying is so important to the healing process. Don’t compare their challenge to yours. And be especially attentive to what they may be communicating without words.
- Highlight the positive. Often children whose parents go through divorce can lose their trust in people and relationship. Help them see that this divorce has its positive side by sharing what’s good about it for you, and how, despite the challenges, it is making you a better person. Make sure you remind them often that your love for them remains stronger than ever, and that relationships based on love and trust are something we all deserve.
Like any challenge in life, being a divorced parent or child of a divorced parent can be eased by awareness and love.
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