How Can We Help Our Kids (and Ourselves) Have Compassion?
Compassion sounds simple, yet can be alluding. How can we find compassion in ourselves, especially for people who have hurt us? How can we teach compassion to our children? What can give us the strength to forgive? Let me share a few words from Teilhard de Chardin to shed some light:
“We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences.”
When I first heard this quote, it changed my entire perspective on people and life. Picture it: we are all souls in heaven, and it’s our time to come down to earth. We each get a costume – our body – and we are placed into a movie that is our life. In this movie, we have to play human, and some of us are better at this than others.
Reminding ourselves of this idea and who we really are – spiritual beings – can provide an opening in our perspective for sympathy towards ourselves, others and life in general.
Most often, we see others only through their actions right now and forget who they really are inside. We are all in the middle of a process of falling, learning and growing – parents and kids alike. Recognizing this process of evolution in ourselves and others is the first step towards compassion.
How frequently do we feel we need to help our kids change? When we judge our kids, it is as if we have already decided who they are and what we need to do to save them. We lose sight of their potential, and instead of supporting them, we try to fix them.
If we constantly think that we need to help our kids change, then we have lost sight of their true essence. Many times, our kids are pushed away from knowing their true selves and connecting to their inner light by our criticism, especially when we keep emphasizing what they need to change. They are already spiritual beings; we just need to remind them of that truth and encourage them to reconnect to it.
Our kids shouldn’t have to fight for our approval. Rather, we should be the first to reaffirm their divine true essence. For example, when they misbehaved – hit, lied, cheated, etc. – we can begin by saying, “You chose to misbehave, but it is not who you really are; I know who you really are is good.”When we tell kids that their essence is good no matter what, even when they fall, it provides them with a positive place to go back to. When we only address their misbehavior, we give it power. Our kids start believing they are bad or wrong and begin to lose their connection to who they really are. They stop hearing their True Voice.
Of course, we need to address issues and wrongdoings, but first, let’s remind them that we love them and make sure our connection with them is strong. Adults and kids don’t just misbehave; there is always a reason behind it, and by focusing on the cause and not just the effect, we will have a much better chance at helping them change their behavior. Once we understand that we’re here to support, understand and feel compassion for our children and their process here on Earth, they are more likely to grow up connected rather than wounded.
I hope that as we face opportunities to show compassion, we will remember that our kids especially are often struggling in their human experiences and, more than anything, need our love.
My new online course is specially designed for busy parents. I know time is precious when you are taking care of your family. I designed this course just for you.