As I reflect on all the children I met during my visit to different countries where the SFK programs are being taught, I am struck by how all children – from all different social-economic, cultural backgrounds – face similar internal challenges. Although the life of a poor child can seem to be very different from the life of a rich child, in essence, they are all vulnerable to the same major risks and share the same essential needs.
I see three main risks facing all of our children today:
- The risk of associating power with negativity
Through media and/or real life, kids today are witnessing gang and gun violence, bullying, political and corporate corruption, terrorism, wars, and domestic violence. Negativity draws all the attention, and it seems that being powerful and strong goes hand in hand with being “bad.”
When I looked at the eyes of the 8-year-old children in Lima, all I saw was pure Light. Then I thought to myself, “When does this Light get covered by fear, anger, and distrust? And how can we prevent that?”
Ask yourself:
- What is my belief about what real power is?
- How can I stay in love and kindness regardless of what other people do?
- Where can I find stories about amazing good people and events I can share with my children?
- The risk of not knowing how to deal with their emotions
We are constantly disciplining our children and focused on correcting their behavior, but what tools are we providing them with to be successful in understanding and managing the emotions that caused the behavior? We all have strong negative and reactive emotions at times. Those feelings are valid and even necessary. But the real power lies in the ability to pause before we act and choose wisely our next move.
Ask yourself:
- How can I shift my attention from what my children are doing to what they are feeling?
- What do my children see me do when I am upset or angry?
- What tools can I teach my kids to help them pause before they act?
All children need to learn the difference between reactive feeling and reactive behavior, with the addition of a helping hand, not a punishing one, to gain the strength to resist.
- The risk of not being able to overcome challenges
It is hard as parents to see our kids in pain, which is why we constantly try to prevent and save them from challenges. Doing so creates the same result as when we have a fever and take a fever reducer: Our body stops fighting the fever. We enable our children while taking away their need to fight and their ability to overcome.
And what about the kids who see their parents handling their challenges with violence, drugs, alcohol or depression?
Ask Yourself:
- What is my attitude towards challenges?
- Where do I “save” my children from making an effort?
- How often do I see the opportunity in a challenge?
Being conscious of these risks can help us rethink how we interact with our children, and how important it is for us to step up our own game to be the role model they need us to be.
